Signs .. boss is a space alien by Cool-Universe, literature
Literature
Signs .. boss is a space alien
Top signs your boss is a space alien
Can't speak a sentence without using the word "Assimilate"
Disciplinary write-ups have been replaced with a disintegration chamber
Loudly slurps down a 64 oz soda while hovering above it and then eats the bottle.
Out of town reimbursement receipts are from the Andromeda and Milky Way galaxies
Instead of getting himself going with coffee he uses Uranium 235
Uses red beams from eyes to reheat yesterday's prey
With your mind only you think, "I'd like a raise" and immediately your controlling collar shocks you
While pressing you against the ceiling he still has several hands free for email and paper
Signs Santa's been overeating by Cool-Universe, literature
Literature
Signs Santa's been overeating
Top signs that Santa has been overeating
The entire warehouse of Elf cookies has been devoured and sadly even some of the Elves are missing
Santa is now charged for two seats on sleigh flights
Under intense strain, each reindeer's nose turns red
Impossible to talk to Santa without having a blizzard of red and green cookie crumbs spew at you
Workman's compensation claims for reindeer back injuries are through the roof ( not to mention the sleigh itself being through the roof)
The conveyor belt carrying the Elves cookies has been rerouted to Santa's mouth
Chimneys are no longer an option; just hurls presents during flyby
Sant
Rejoicing Essential - 2 by Cool-Universe, literature
Literature
Rejoicing Essential - 2
Rejoicing Essential Part 2 - Do what is good - Look upon that good thing - Rejoice in that good thing
Genesis 1:10
......10 God called the dry ground "land," and the gathered waters he called "seas." And God saw that it was good
We see this rejoicing principle in the very first chapter of the Bible. Six times God saw what He did was good and one time He saw what He did was very good. First God did something good. Next He looks upon the good and rejoices in the good.
But how important is this? The Bible says this is very important.
Ecclesiastes 2:24
24 There is nothing better f
Top signs your car is a junker by Cool-Universe, literature
Literature
Top signs your car is a junker
In accident situations your airbags must be blown up manually
No matter where you try to set your destination, your g.p.s. recalculates to the nearest junkyard
When you drive up the street you hear an orchestra of smoke detectors going off
Word of this continuous, unapproachable, black cloud has reached the domain of the octopus and they are envious
Your bumper hangs so low that the township hires you for snow removal
"Nutty Uncle Bob" sank so deep into your rear cushions that you had to file a missing persons report
You are unable to tell the difference between normal engine noises and a fire
Are you weary and need rest? by Cool-Universe, literature
Literature
Are you weary and need rest?
Matthew 11:28-30
28"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.
29 "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS.
30 "For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."
Are you weary and heavy-laden? Do you want to find rest for your soul? The one who promises you this rest is Jesus. The starting point of that rest is accepting him into your heart as Lord and Savior. You need to accept Jesus into your heart as Lord meaning that with His help you will turn away from sin and learn to walk in obedience to the Bible. You need to accept Jesus into you
Growing from an enemy by Cool-Universe, literature
Literature
Growing from an enemy
Growing from the presence of an enemy
Today I want write briefly about growing in obedience as a direct result of having an enemy in our lives. There may be practical things we may need to do in order to protect ourselves from an enemy. Also we may need to make things right with that person if we have wronged them. But in addition to those things we also need to also concentrate on our obedience to the Lord so His hand will be against our foes. Lets look at Psalm 81:13-15
13"Oh that My people would listen to Me, That Israel would walk in My ways!
14"I would quickly subdue their enemies And turn My hand against their adversaries.
15"Those
Redirect anxiety into growth by Cool-Universe, literature
Literature
Redirect anxiety into growth
When anxiety hits turn it into an opportunity to grow in two different areas of your Christian walk. With the proper mindset, anxiety can stimulate you to grow in obedience and in prayer.
One solution to restoring peace is to increase your obedience. Lets look at that in Psalm 119:165
165 Those who love Your law have great peace, And nothing causes them to stumble.
In this Psalm there is a direct connection between obedience and great peace. Feeling anxious? Want to have peace restored. Then part of your plan should be to set your mind to obey God all the more. Obedience brings peace
Another solut
Signs it's turkey's last day by Cool-Universe, literature
Literature
Signs it's turkey's last day
Top signs you've said "Gobble, Gobble, Gobble" for the last time
Today you had to sign an insurance policy in which Farmer Jones is the beneficiary
Farmer Jones leads you out of your pen but this time his warm smile has been replaced with impatient lip smacking and a salt shaker
You no longer feel spiritual elation as in the past when you were proudly referred to as the "The chosen one"
It suddenly dawns on you why the others gave a months worth of feed to be cosmetically altered to look like Peacocks
You found it strange that when you were led out of your pen today they immediately put up a "Vacancy" sign.
You
Rejoicing Essential - 1 by Cool-Universe, literature
Literature
Rejoicing Essential - 1
In order to lay a good foundation for several different points about joy I must first undo a teaching that is just slightly off. Have you ever heard someone say "There is nothing you can do to please God" ? What they really mean is there is no way you can ever earn Heaven. You can never be good enough to be worthy of Heaven. This part is true. You are not good enough and hands down salvation and entrance into Heaven is only through the Cross. But the error is when a Christian, who is not relying on works but on the finished work of Jesus, is told there is nothing he can do to please God. This part not only is wrong but i
Dumb New Years Resolutions by Cool-Universe, literature
Literature
Dumb New Years Resolutions
New Years resolutions from me a dumb guy
Next time say hello to the lion and pat the lion trainer on head
When doing electrical work try not to forget that wearing clothes dried with static free sheets isn't a substitute for turning the power off
This time before testing a new Raccoon hat for size make sure it's dead
Get a smart person to draw a big L and R on my hands, so if asked to raise my right hand there won't be that awkward moment
From now on brush my tooth every week!
Get me somebody to learn me how to fly one of them there space shuttle thingys so I can give them spacey al