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Signs .. boss is a space alienTop signs your boss is a space alien
Can't speak a sentence without using the word "Assimilate"
Disciplinary write-ups have been replaced with a disintegration chamber
Loudly slurps down a 64 oz soda while hovering above it and then eats the bottle.
Out of town reimbursement receipts are from the Andromeda and Milky Way galaxies
Instead of getting himself going with coffee he uses Uranium 235
Uses red beams from eyes to reheat yesterday's prey
With your mind only you think, "I'd like a raise" and immediately your controlling collar shocks you
While pressing you against the ceiling he still has several hands free for email and paperwork
You can't quite put your finger on it but it doesn't seem normal to have more than one mouth attached to each tentacle
Has a time share in "Area 51"
When he pulls you into his locked office he often forgets that you can't pass through solid objects as easily as he can
Unfairly uses space time continuum to make a killing in the stock market
Signs Santa's been overeatingTop signs that Santa has been overeating
The entire warehouse of Elf cookies has been devoured and sadly even some of the Elves are missing
Santa is now charged for two seats on sleigh flights
Under intense strain, each reindeer's nose turns red
Impossible to talk to Santa without having a blizzard of red and green cookie crumbs spew at you
Workman's compensation claims for reindeer back injuries are through the roof ( not to mention the sleigh itself being through the roof)
The conveyor belt carrying the Elves cookies has been rerouted to Santa's mouth
Chimneys are no longer an option; just hurls presents during flyby
Santa sits on sleigh; sleigh collapses
Under tremendous pressure, Santa's belt buckle launches off and demolishes the toy factory
At security checkpoints it takes a dozen men hours to pat him down
Santa's press release alleges that intense meteor showers were to blame for widespread roof damage
Rejoicing Essential - 2Rejoicing Essential Part 2 - Do what is good - Look upon that good thing - Rejoice in that good thing
......10 God called the dry ground "land," and the gathered waters he called "seas." And God saw that it was good
We see this rejoicing principle in the very first chapter of the Bible. Six times God saw what He did was good and one time He saw what He did was very good. First God did something good. Next He looks upon the good and rejoices in the good.
But how important is this? The Bible says this is very important.
24 There is nothing better for a man than to eat and drink and tell himself that his labor is good This also I have seen that it is from the hand of God.
Look at how much importance Ecclesiastes places on doing good and seeing the good in what you have done. Notice there is self-talk in this verse. It is important to tell yourself that what you have done is good. It is good to rejo
Top signs your car is a junkerIn accident situations your airbags must be blown up manually
No matter where you try to set your destination, your g.p.s. recalculates to the nearest junkyard
When you drive up the street you hear an orchestra of smoke detectors going off
Word of this continuous, unapproachable, black cloud has reached the domain of the octopus and they are envious
Your bumper hangs so low that the township hires you for snow removal
"Nutty Uncle Bob" sank so deep into your rear cushions that you had to file a missing persons report
You are unable to tell the difference between normal engine noises and a fireworks grand finale
Your mechanic examines your car and then requests to be a beneficiary in your will
Plumes of smoke from your tailpipe showed up on NASA's Terra satellite and they initiated a Super Volcano evacuation
" 0 to 60 in 8 seconds" has been replaced with "Why won't this blasted thing start again!"
You park in a high crime area. You leave your
Are you weary and need rest?Matthew 11:28-30
28"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.
29 "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS.
30 "For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."
Are you weary and heavy-laden? Do you want to find rest for your soul? The one who promises you this rest is Jesus. The starting point of that rest is accepting him into your heart as Lord and Savior. You need to accept Jesus into your heart as Lord meaning that with His help you will turn away from sin and learn to walk in obedience to the Bible. You need to accept Jesus into your heart as Savior so your sins can be forgiven.
If you have never accepted Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior and would like to do so now then please pray with me, " God I know that I am a sinner. And I know I can't enter Heaven unless my sins are forgiven by your son Jesus. Jesus I ask you into my heart as Savior and Lord. Forgive me all my sins and help
Growing from an enemyGrowing from the presence of an enemy
Today I want write briefly about growing in obedience as a direct result of having an enemy in our lives. There may be practical things we may need to do in order to protect ourselves from an enemy. Also we may need to make things right with that person if we have wronged them. But in addition to those things we also need to also concentrate on our obedience to the Lord so His hand will be against our foes. Lets look at Psalm 81:13-15
13"Oh that My people would listen to Me, That Israel would walk in My ways!
14"I would quickly subdue their enemies And turn My hand against their adversaries.
15"Those who hate the LORD would pretend obedience to Him, And their time of punishment would be forever.
What an awful feeling to have an enemy. It can just make you miserable and tie your stomach in knots. We want the problem to go away and go away right now. Well here in this Psalm God was willing to fight against their enemies and subdue them if they would
Redirect anxiety into growthWhen anxiety hits turn it into an opportunity to grow in two different areas of your Christian walk. With the proper mindset, anxiety can stimulate you to grow in obedience and in prayer.
One solution to restoring peace is to increase your obedience. Lets look at that in Psalm 119:165
165 Those who love Your law have great peace, And nothing causes them to stumble.
In this Psalm there is a direct connection between obedience and great peace. Feeling anxious? Want to have peace restored. Then part of your plan should be to set your mind to obey God all the more. Obedience brings peace
Another solution to restoring peace is choose to pray. Lets take a look at that in Philippians 4:6-7
6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Signs it's turkey's last dayTop signs you've said "Gobble, Gobble, Gobble" for the last time
Today you had to sign an insurance policy in which Farmer Jones is the beneficiary
Farmer Jones leads you out of your pen but this time his warm smile has been replaced with impatient lip smacking and a salt shaker
You no longer feel spiritual elation as in the past when you were proudly referred to as the "The chosen one"
It suddenly dawns on you why the others gave a months worth of feed to be cosmetically altered to look like Peacocks
You found it strange that when you were led out of your pen today they immediately put up a "Vacancy" sign.
You can't understand why there is a inexplicable spike in the number of younger, skinner turkeys that are asking you for loans today.
You now see that it was counterproductive to join the gym and "Bulk up"
My Bible devotional blog
Rejoicing Essential - 1In order to lay a good foundation for several different points about joy I must first undo a teaching that is just slightly off. Have you ever heard someone say "There is nothing you can do to please God" ? What they really mean is there is no way you can ever earn Heaven. You can never be good enough to be worthy of Heaven. This part is true. You are not good enough and hands down salvation and entrance into Heaven is only through the Cross. But the error is when a Christian, who is not relying on works but on the finished work of Jesus, is told there is nothing he can do to please God. This part not only is wrong but it robs believers of a joyful motivator that is needed for long term endurance.
You can't earn Heaven but the believer can please God. Hebrews 13:16
16 And do not neglect doing good and sharing, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.
This verse clearly states that we can please our Heavenly Father by showing kindness to one a
AppointmentsI'm a little early for the appointment. I'm supposed to meet someone after they finish with their engagement. The problem with arriving early is that some people don't take it well; and I don't like being hasty. Sometimes, I'd rather not have the meeting.
While I wait, the city moves around me. People pass me as they briskly walk to their destinations. They hardly pay any mind to their path; instead they are mesmerized by the cell phones and devices they carry. Some don't even notice when they nearly graze me. Anything could happen, and everyone is so hyper-focused on their own self, that they wouldn't notice.
Traffic clogs the streets in somewhat organized lines. Vehicles crawl, protesting with horns and shouting. Everyone is in their own world, even in the cars. A distant siren occasionally adds to the cacophony.
If I listen carefully, I can hear some noise at the end of the alley. They're a bit indistinct. I sigh as I realize I was much earlier than what I liked. The sounds stop sho
EumorfiaWhat you will read here is one of three different parts of a play I started writing and have recently resumed after a long period without activity. This part I am posting is probably the most straight forward and most put together part, so... I hope you enjoy it. It's not done yet by any means
The cast of characters;
Eumorfia (Beauty); Lead Siren
Sirens; The supporting younger "sisters"
Elpida (Hope) Eumorfia's younger sister and angel
Tromos; Mythological Norwegian Kraken, also in Greek mythology.
Naukrator; Sea captain of the Argus
Voithos; First mate
SCENE 1.-SOUTHERN AEGEAN SEA
Into danger, she smiles
Eumorfia.- “So lonely is the sea, fore boredom dooms the night”
Sirens.- “Eumorfia, beg you not.
Upon the reaches of the sea,
Mine eyes for you, have
The Art of Trolling”You know, you will ruin Hell's reputation if you let the humans see this.”
Dantalion looked up, a bit annoyed, from the screen. Before him stood one of the most beautiful beings there is, draped in light robes. The demon moved gracefully towards him with a slight smile.
”Oh, it's you Sitri.” Dantalion sighed, his face quickly changing into a perfect mirror of the other demon.
”Humans will stop fearing Hell if they knew there is internet here”, continued Sitri with a nod towards the tablet in Dantalion’s lap.
“Well, it's a big difference between what I have and what the dead can have.” He shrugged and turned his attention back to the screen while his face changed again.
“Always so cocky against your superiors.” Sitri made a dramatic gesture and sat down in a chair that quickly formed from the shadows around them. Dantalion liked to keep his room like this, empty with just the ever changing shadows that became whatever he
Total Zoom1.18 a.m. a keybord is working in a dark room filled of soft volume trance music from web. The climax of the track blow gently with the image of a cute girl dressed little in white and black strips shirt; she seems happy and free on a beach -track became more aggressive-ZOOM- an airplane is landed in N.Y. ZOOM- a ship has leaved Sidney ZOOM- a man turn-on cellar light looking for something -FASTZOOM- undefinided click on new web pages -ZOOM- somewhere a gun shot -ZOOM- strange coloured thing drop on floor -ZOOM- multiple car motors light - the track is now heavy -ZOOM- beauty Jap girl get ready for bath -ZOOM- an insect is mashed -ZOOM-fade to white Free your mind
EvermoreLittle empty words are coming to break the silence. This is the planet that a long time ago was called Earth. Covered soon of disgusting noises that those beings called life. I feel there is a reason to fill the time with their thoughts ... so similar so different they are instinct and spirit... but too loud to say so little ... This is a bit of truth that means nothing maybe or maybe is a whisper that sounds around evermore ...
Luck rainIt'raining even though is an hot summer. Its dark even though the sun is shining. Its frightening even tough my soul is calm and quiet. Solitude is an illusion like an error in a intricate network of commands.The motherboard needs you for a while and the soul shine for a moment and no more ... but in front of your eyes just out of reach just out your touch just out your care some is shimmering; intensly, hardly, strongly, coldly, indifferent, careless. Something happen; something drop; a wing flap so strong and i close my eyes without scare ...
and nothing appear the same in that fate .. the thrill of wind ..
Cat's daydream (intro)She was full of faith like few and was able to lie only with her perfect body but no lies have been hear from her mouth; maybe for centuries. She came and i saw; i don't knew that was like a celestial girl maybe an Angel... A lot of time is passed from that day and i remember her truly, holy, innocent great magnificent eyes, mirror of a sad, incomplete soul, like a little creature that can't know how dark is the world'soul ... Humans don't merit your love for the most ...
The death of BaldrAmong all the gods, the most beloved god in all the Nine Worlds was Baldr, son of Odin and Frigg. Everyone loved him: humans, elves, giants, trolls and all the creatures of the universe. He was the God of the Light of the Sun, so it was one of the most important gods in Asgardr. Although he was loved by everyone, there was one who instead hated him: his brother Loki, Lord of Cunning and Deception. He was jealous of the popularity of his brother Baldr and was disgusted of his kindness. He tried to kill him a lot of times, but he never succeeded in the deed and, luckily for him, none discovered him.
For a few nights, Odin and his wife Frigg had terrible nightmares about their son Baldr. Every night, nightmares became more and more terrifying and they woke up a few times, frightened and terrified. One day, Odin chose to go to Helheimr and ask to the goddess Hel, the Lady of the Dead, the meaning of those nightmares. While he was on the way to Hel's Palace he saw around him great preparati
Depression - Bible answersHolding on to anger can lead to depression.
5 but for Cain and for his offering He had no regard So Cain became very angry and his countenance fell.
One source, but not the only source, of depression is an anger that is of the flesh and not of God. Notice the relationship between Cain being very angry and sadness / depression. Cain became very angry and his countenance fell.
Are you holding on to the wrong kind of anger today? It can be a difficult thing to lay aside. Go to God in weakness and ask for His help. Then after prayer be dilligent to put the anger to death. One example may be a person that you need to forgive. The bitterness you store towards them sours you and can depress you. Forgive them. Do it both to please the Lord and also for your own mental health.
Nothing said in any of these articles is suggested as a substitute for professional help and/or doctor prescribed medicines.
Scripture quotations taken from the "NASB" (
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Endorell-Taelos is very well known within the community for her selfless giving and gracious community spirit. Since joining DeviantART over seven years ago, Alicia has continued to make a positive impact on many deviants. Her helpful and thoughtful approach was one of her finest attributes when serving as a Community Volunteer, and this has continued throughout the many contests which Alicia provides on a regular basis. As we approach our Birthday celebrations, we can't... Read More