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Signs .. boss is a space alienTop signs your boss is a space alien
Can't speak a sentence without using the word "Assimilate"
Disciplinary write-ups have been replaced with a disintegration chamber
Loudly slurps down a 64 oz soda while hovering above it and then eats the bottle.
Out of town reimbursement receipts are from the Andromeda and Milky Way galaxies
Instead of getting himself going with coffee he uses Uranium 235
Uses red beams from eyes to reheat yesterday's prey
With your mind only you think, "I'd like a raise" and immediately your controlling collar shocks you
While pressing you against the ceiling he still has several hands free for email and paperwork
You can't quite put your finger on it but it doesn't seem normal to have more than one mouth attached to each tentacle
Has a time share in "Area 51"
When he pulls you into his locked office he often forgets that you can't pass through solid objects as easily as he can
Unfairly uses space time continuum to make a killing in the stock market
Signs Santa's been overeatingTop signs that Santa has been overeating
The entire warehouse of Elf cookies has been devoured and sadly even some of the Elves are missing
Santa is now charged for two seats on sleigh flights
Under intense strain, each reindeer's nose turns red
Impossible to talk to Santa without having a blizzard of red and green cookie crumbs spew at you
Workman's compensation claims for reindeer back injuries are through the roof ( not to mention the sleigh itself being through the roof)
The conveyor belt carrying the Elves cookies has been rerouted to Santa's mouth
Chimneys are no longer an option; just hurls presents during flyby
Santa sits on sleigh; sleigh collapses
Under tremendous pressure, Santa's belt buckle launches off and demolishes the toy factory
At security checkpoints it takes a dozen men hours to pat him down
Santa's press release alleges that intense meteor showers were to blame for widespread roof damage
Rejoicing Essential - 2Rejoicing Essential Part 2 - Do what is good - Look upon that good thing - Rejoice in that good thing
......10 God called the dry ground "land," and the gathered waters he called "seas." And God saw that it was good
We see this rejoicing principle in the very first chapter of the Bible. Six times God saw what He did was good and one time He saw what He did was very good. First God did something good. Next He looks upon the good and rejoices in the good.
But how important is this? The Bible says this is very important.
24 There is nothing better for a man than to eat and drink and tell himself that his labor is good This also I have seen that it is from the hand of God.
Look at how much importance Ecclesiastes places on doing good and seeing the good in what you have done. Notice there is self-talk in this verse. It is important to tell yourself that what you have done is good. It is good to rejo
Top signs your car is a junkerIn accident situations your airbags must be blown up manually
No matter where you try to set your destination, your g.p.s. recalculates to the nearest junkyard
When you drive up the street you hear an orchestra of smoke detectors going off
Word of this continuous, unapproachable, black cloud has reached the domain of the octopus and they are envious
Your bumper hangs so low that the township hires you for snow removal
"Nutty Uncle Bob" sank so deep into your rear cushions that you had to file a missing persons report
You are unable to tell the difference between normal engine noises and a fireworks grand finale
Your mechanic examines your car and then requests to be a beneficiary in your will
Plumes of smoke from your tailpipe showed up on NASA's Terra satellite and they initiated a Super Volcano evacuation
" 0 to 60 in 8 seconds" has been replaced with "Why won't this blasted thing start again!"
You park in a high crime area. You leave your
Are you weary and need rest?Matthew 11:28-30
28"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.
29 "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS.
30 "For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."
Are you weary and heavy-laden? Do you want to find rest for your soul? The one who promises you this rest is Jesus. The starting point of that rest is accepting him into your heart as Lord and Savior. You need to accept Jesus into your heart as Lord meaning that with His help you will turn away from sin and learn to walk in obedience to the Bible. You need to accept Jesus into your heart as Savior so your sins can be forgiven.
If you have never accepted Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior and would like to do so now then please pray with me, " God I know that I am a sinner. And I know I can't enter Heaven unless my sins are forgiven by your son Jesus. Jesus I ask you into my heart as Savior and Lord. Forgive me all my sins and help
Growing from an enemyGrowing from the presence of an enemy
Today I want write briefly about growing in obedience as a direct result of having an enemy in our lives. There may be practical things we may need to do in order to protect ourselves from an enemy. Also we may need to make things right with that person if we have wronged them. But in addition to those things we also need to also concentrate on our obedience to the Lord so His hand will be against our foes. Lets look at Psalm 81:13-15
13"Oh that My people would listen to Me, That Israel would walk in My ways!
14"I would quickly subdue their enemies And turn My hand against their adversaries.
15"Those who hate the LORD would pretend obedience to Him, And their time of punishment would be forever.
What an awful feeling to have an enemy. It can just make you miserable and tie your stomach in knots. We want the problem to go away and go away right now. Well here in this Psalm God was willing to fight against their enemies and subdue them if they would
Redirect anxiety into growthWhen anxiety hits turn it into an opportunity to grow in two different areas of your Christian walk. With the proper mindset, anxiety can stimulate you to grow in obedience and in prayer.
One solution to restoring peace is to increase your obedience. Lets look at that in Psalm 119:165
165 Those who love Your law have great peace, And nothing causes them to stumble.
In this Psalm there is a direct connection between obedience and great peace. Feeling anxious? Want to have peace restored. Then part of your plan should be to set your mind to obey God all the more. Obedience brings peace
Another solution to restoring peace is choose to pray. Lets take a look at that in Philippians 4:6-7
6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Signs it's turkey's last dayTop signs you've said "Gobble, Gobble, Gobble" for the last time
Today you had to sign an insurance policy in which Farmer Jones is the beneficiary
Farmer Jones leads you out of your pen but this time his warm smile has been replaced with impatient lip smacking and a salt shaker
You no longer feel spiritual elation as in the past when you were proudly referred to as the "The chosen one"
It suddenly dawns on you why the others gave a months worth of feed to be cosmetically altered to look like Peacocks
You found it strange that when you were led out of your pen today they immediately put up a "Vacancy" sign.
You can't understand why there is a inexplicable spike in the number of younger, skinner turkeys that are asking you for loans today.
You now see that it was counterproductive to join the gym and "Bulk up"
My Bible devotional blog
Rejoicing Essential - 1In order to lay a good foundation for several different points about joy I must first undo a teaching that is just slightly off. Have you ever heard someone say "There is nothing you can do to please God" ? What they really mean is there is no way you can ever earn Heaven. You can never be good enough to be worthy of Heaven. This part is true. You are not good enough and hands down salvation and entrance into Heaven is only through the Cross. But the error is when a Christian, who is not relying on works but on the finished work of Jesus, is told there is nothing he can do to please God. This part not only is wrong but it robs believers of a joyful motivator that is needed for long term endurance.
You can't earn Heaven but the believer can please God. Hebrews 13:16
16 And do not neglect doing good and sharing, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.
This verse clearly states that we can please our Heavenly Father by showing kindness to one a
Sophie's Misfortune"Will you run away with me?"
I hadn't expected him to say yes.
We were far from home before I had the courage to ask why.
"Haven't you anything back there?"
"Yes. But I want something more."
We mostly lived in an old trapper's hut in the woods. I swept it every day but I could never get the floor clean. There was blood on the bedroom wall. I think the trapper killed something here. I hope it was an animal.
I meet an old woman among the trees one day. She is dressed in ragged brown with a brilliant gold locket around her neck. She says she can read my palm. I am skeptical. She takes it anyway.
"Your name is Sophie," she says.
"You want Luke to love you."
"Come back here tomorrow and I'll tell you more."
We eat baked beans again that night.
This time she takes me to a clearing and we sit on the grass. She takes my hand again. I can't take my eyes off her locket. It's engraved with S. S for Sophie. I wonder at the coincidence.
"I can tell your future," she says
Marlboro MeteorologyI can always predict the weather given how my morning cigarette goes. If it tastes like cardboard or an old apple, it will rain hard in the late afternoon. If burns the back of my nose, it will be cloudy all day. If I get a toothache it means hail and anything blowing up into my eyes means hot, humid, and sunny. My great grandmother had the same talent. If her back itched it meant snow, if her neck hurt it meant midnight rains had come and gone. Some things must jump generations.
Looking at our flowerbed, you'd think it was snowing in July. The kid above me would chain smoke and scream language learning dialogues at his computer, tossing ashes out the window in a steady, Vesuvian stream. The land lady would always leave a filter or two as her treat when she'd leave notices for the rent crammed into door frames and mailboxes. And of course I carried my own weight, poisoni
The Raven PrinceYugi limped home from school late one afternoon. Ushio and his goons had ganged up on him again
Yugi winced as his leg complained underneath him, he didn't understand why they hated him so much. He hadn't done anything to them Yugi sniffed as he turned into the park, not wanting to go home to the empty house, Grandpa had passed away a few months ago, Yugi was being watched over by a guardian who would check in on him every other month. But that guardian was the Father of the bullies. Yugi was so lonely.
The woods were always calming for Yugi, especially now, even though he was in the middle of a large city the woods drowned out any sound and let Yugi be wherever he imagined to be.
Yugi hissed as he sat on a tree stump by a small pond, the pond had a mossed over statue of a frog sitting on a toadstool. It used to spray water from its grey mouth but no more, the pond often dried up in summer droughts, so there wasn't much life living in the waters.
Yugi looked into the water
Explanation of FaithLet me explain the problem science has with religion.' The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.
'You're a Christian, aren't you, son?
'Yes sir,' the student says.
'So you believe in God?'
'Is God good?'
'Sure! God's good.'
'Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?'
'Are you good or evil?'
'The Bible says I'm evil.'
The professor grins knowingly. 'Aha! The Bible!'
He considers for a moment, 'Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?'
'Yes sir, I would.'
'So you're good!'
'I wouldn't say that.'
'But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed person if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn't.'
The student does not answer, so the professor continues.
'He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Hmmm?
Weird Dreams V3: Hurting For a Hurtful Pain 1
Masaomi, Anri, and Mikado were waiting for me at the movie theatre. All three of them were stiff and looked uncomfortable. That's when I noticed the young man next to them.
He looked a little older than me about twenty-three or so. He had black hair in a style similar to Mikado's. He wore jeans and a black t-shirt, along with a cat like grin that somehow made him seem more handsome then he already was.
As I approached my friends the man gave me a quick look over.
"And who's this~?"
I opened my mouth to answer but Masaomi interrupted me.
"She's no one important just some girl."
I frowned at his introduction of me, "Ouch what's with the new attitude?"
"Now Kida-kun is that any way to treat a lady~?" The handsome dark haired man turned towards me.
"Excuse me miss, my name is Izaya Orihara."
I gave him a short bow, "Nice to meet you Izaya-kun, my name is (F/N) (L/N)."
"I'm an old friend of Kida-kun's. I bought some tickets for my friends and I but they bailed last minute. Would you four li
Losing You"You are too funny, Jesus!" Alice laughed.
Jesus smiled and scooted closer to Alice. "What else do you want to talk about?"
"Well...I know this is totally weird and off topic, but I wanna talk to You about fears."
"Fears? Sure! Do you have any?"
Alice giggled. "You know, Jesus! Only You know; I may be scared of things that I don't even know exist!"
He smiled and said, "Yes, but I just want to hear you say it."
After she melted over how cute His smile was, she said, "You first. Do You have at least one fear?"
Jesus looked at her. His eyes reached deep in to her very soul and He said, "Yes."
Alice shuddered by the power in His voice.
"What are You afraid of, Jesus?" she asked gently.
His eyes never left hers and He simply replied;
Loki : dance of deathAsgard, despite being a city of gods, wasn't used to witnessing any showy display of magic skills.
Magic, after all, was something that just women practiced: instead of wielding swords they drew runes, and everyone agreed that it was something that had to be kept in secret, to be a better and more lethal weapon when the occasion occurred.
But Loki was no woman, even if he mastered every secret of seid, the ancient art of sorcery.
Yes, he wasn't really eager to show off his skills either, but sometimes the mead he drank was sufficient to make him lose any self imposed restrain.
He didn't care being called an argr, an unmanly one, he didn't care about being called a witch those were probably the nicest among the appellatives he was usually given.
The few times it happened for him to be drunk and in the right mood during a feast, those times he was finally able to enjoy it, from those who usually scorned him to enjoy their admiration and it tasted so sweet, even if he fancied
Go Away"Leave me alone."
"I can clean you up. I can protect you."
His child curled up in to a tighter ball.
"I don't know why You're still here." he barked.
Jesus opened His mouth, but there only escaped a soft groan.
"I can be your Shepherd. I can watch over you."
The child grew irritated.
"Look, just shut up already. I don't need anything, especially from You. Can't You get the hint?"
Jesus looked down and took one step towards His child of the night.
"I can hold you. I can heal you."
The child flinched.
"Stop...stop it..." the child whispers, fighting back tears. "Go away. Go away!!!"
Jesus jumped slightly from the tone in His child's voice. He watched as His child rose slowly, his legs battered. The child fell because of the anguish he felt in his legs.
"Please." Jesus said as He extended His hand towards the child.
The child didn't even look up. He crawled away from Jesus as fast as he could, only to hide behind a wall further from where Jesus was.
He wasn't giving up.
It was a normal friday night, I was lying on my bed being bored.
My parents were out and wouldn't come back until late.
They were out visiting family. I preffered to stay home, in my room so I rejected to offer to come along. My parents weren't too happy with my responce and yelled at me. But finally they left without me.
I decided to go look in my brothers room, as he wasn't home either.
I entered his room, it wasn't too big but not small either. Clothes were lying all over the floor, it stinked in here. I started looking around for something I could use (I wasn't trying to be creepy btw.)
I opened his closet, and a small box caught my eye. I picked it up and opened it. I saw a gameboy just a regular gameboy , I took out the cartridge that was in it, it was pokemon blue.
I really like pokemon, so I decided to play it also I was really bored. I put the cartridge back and turned the gameboy on.
I clicked continue when I got to the game menu. I started out in the Viridian forest. I
Depression - Bible answersHolding on to anger can lead to depression.
5 but for Cain and for his offering He had no regard So Cain became very angry and his countenance fell.
One source, but not the only source, of depression is an anger that is of the flesh and not of God. Notice the relationship between Cain being very angry and sadness / depression. Cain became very angry and his countenance fell.
Are you holding on to the wrong kind of anger today? It can be a difficult thing to lay aside. Go to God in weakness and ask for His help. Then after prayer be dilligent to put the anger to death. One example may be a person that you need to forgive. The bitterness you store towards them sours you and can depress you. Forgive them. Do it both to please the Lord and also for your own mental health.
Nothing said in any of these articles is suggested as a substitute for professional help and/or doctor prescribed medicines.
Scripture quotations taken from the "NASB" (
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scheinbar is a much-loved and well-known deviant. Just one look at her gallery, filled with enchanting photography, will have you mesmerized. A deviant for over 7 years, Christiane can always be found posting inspirational features as well as regularly commenting on other deviations and encouraging and empowering her fellow deviants. We are inspired and insist that you too stop by and congratulate ... Read More