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Signs .. boss is a space alienTop signs your boss is a space alien
Can't speak a sentence without using the word "Assimilate"
Disciplinary write-ups have been replaced with a disintegration chamber
Loudly slurps down a 64 oz soda while hovering above it and then eats the bottle.
Out of town reimbursement receipts are from the Andromeda and Milky Way galaxies
Instead of getting himself going with coffee he uses Uranium 235
Uses red beams from eyes to reheat yesterday's prey
With your mind only you think, "I'd like a raise" and immediately your controlling collar shocks you
While pressing you against the ceiling he still has several hands free for email and paperwork
You can't quite put your finger on it but it doesn't seem normal to have more than one mouth attached to each tentacle
Has a time share in "Area 51"
When he pulls you into his locked office he often forgets that you can't pass through solid objects as easily as he can
Unfairly uses space time continuum to make a killing in the stock market
Signs Santa's been overeatingTop signs that Santa has been overeating
The entire warehouse of Elf cookies has been devoured and sadly even some of the Elves are missing
Santa is now charged for two seats on sleigh flights
Under intense strain, each reindeer's nose turns red
Impossible to talk to Santa without having a blizzard of red and green cookie crumbs spew at you
Workman's compensation claims for reindeer back injuries are through the roof ( not to mention the sleigh itself being through the roof)
The conveyor belt carrying the Elves cookies has been rerouted to Santa's mouth
Chimneys are no longer an option; just hurls presents during flyby
Santa sits on sleigh; sleigh collapses
Under tremendous pressure, Santa's belt buckle launches off and demolishes the toy factory
At security checkpoints it takes a dozen men hours to pat him down
Santa's press release alleges that intense meteor showers were to blame for widespread roof damage
Rejoicing Essential - 2Rejoicing Essential Part 2 - Do what is good - Look upon that good thing - Rejoice in that good thing
......10 God called the dry ground "land," and the gathered waters he called "seas." And God saw that it was good
We see this rejoicing principle in the very first chapter of the Bible. Six times God saw what He did was good and one time He saw what He did was very good. First God did something good. Next He looks upon the good and rejoices in the good.
But how important is this? The Bible says this is very important.
24 There is nothing better for a man than to eat and drink and tell himself that his labor is good This also I have seen that it is from the hand of God.
Look at how much importance Ecclesiastes places on doing good and seeing the good in what you have done. Notice there is self-talk in this verse. It is important to tell yourself that what you have done is good. It is good to rejo
Top signs your car is a junkerIn accident situations your airbags must be blown up manually
No matter where you try to set your destination, your g.p.s. recalculates to the nearest junkyard
When you drive up the street you hear an orchestra of smoke detectors going off
Word of this continuous, unapproachable, black cloud has reached the domain of the octopus and they are envious
Your bumper hangs so low that the township hires you for snow removal
"Nutty Uncle Bob" sank so deep into your rear cushions that you had to file a missing persons report
You are unable to tell the difference between normal engine noises and a fireworks grand finale
Your mechanic examines your car and then requests to be a beneficiary in your will
Plumes of smoke from your tailpipe showed up on NASA's Terra satellite and they initiated a Super Volcano evacuation
" 0 to 60 in 8 seconds" has been replaced with "Why won't this blasted thing start again!"
You park in a high crime area. You leave your
Are you weary and need rest?Matthew 11:28-30
28"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.
29 "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS.
30 "For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."
Are you weary and heavy-laden? Do you want to find rest for your soul? The one who promises you this rest is Jesus. The starting point of that rest is accepting him into your heart as Lord and Savior. You need to accept Jesus into your heart as Lord meaning that with His help you will turn away from sin and learn to walk in obedience to the Bible. You need to accept Jesus into your heart as Savior so your sins can be forgiven.
If you have never accepted Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior and would like to do so now then please pray with me, " God I know that I am a sinner. And I know I can't enter Heaven unless my sins are forgiven by your son Jesus. Jesus I ask you into my heart as Savior and Lord. Forgive me all my sins and help
Growing from an enemyGrowing from the presence of an enemy
Today I want write briefly about growing in obedience as a direct result of having an enemy in our lives. There may be practical things we may need to do in order to protect ourselves from an enemy. Also we may need to make things right with that person if we have wronged them. But in addition to those things we also need to also concentrate on our obedience to the Lord so His hand will be against our foes. Lets look at Psalm 81:13-15
13"Oh that My people would listen to Me, That Israel would walk in My ways!
14"I would quickly subdue their enemies And turn My hand against their adversaries.
15"Those who hate the LORD would pretend obedience to Him, And their time of punishment would be forever.
What an awful feeling to have an enemy. It can just make you miserable and tie your stomach in knots. We want the problem to go away and go away right now. Well here in this Psalm God was willing to fight against their enemies and subdue them if they would
Redirect anxiety into growthWhen anxiety hits turn it into an opportunity to grow in two different areas of your Christian walk. With the proper mindset, anxiety can stimulate you to grow in obedience and in prayer.
One solution to restoring peace is to increase your obedience. Lets look at that in Psalm 119:165
165 Those who love Your law have great peace, And nothing causes them to stumble.
In this Psalm there is a direct connection between obedience and great peace. Feeling anxious? Want to have peace restored. Then part of your plan should be to set your mind to obey God all the more. Obedience brings peace
Another solution to restoring peace is choose to pray. Lets take a look at that in Philippians 4:6-7
6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Signs it's turkey's last dayTop signs you've said "Gobble, Gobble, Gobble" for the last time
Today you had to sign an insurance policy in which Farmer Jones is the beneficiary
Farmer Jones leads you out of your pen but this time his warm smile has been replaced with impatient lip smacking and a salt shaker
You no longer feel spiritual elation as in the past when you were proudly referred to as the "The chosen one"
It suddenly dawns on you why the others gave a months worth of feed to be cosmetically altered to look like Peacocks
You found it strange that when you were led out of your pen today they immediately put up a "Vacancy" sign.
You can't understand why there is a inexplicable spike in the number of younger, skinner turkeys that are asking you for loans today.
You now see that it was counterproductive to join the gym and "Bulk up"
My Bible devotional blog
Rejoicing Essential - 1In order to lay a good foundation for several different points about joy I must first undo a teaching that is just slightly off. Have you ever heard someone say "There is nothing you can do to please God" ? What they really mean is there is no way you can ever earn Heaven. You can never be good enough to be worthy of Heaven. This part is true. You are not good enough and hands down salvation and entrance into Heaven is only through the Cross. But the error is when a Christian, who is not relying on works but on the finished work of Jesus, is told there is nothing he can do to please God. This part not only is wrong but it robs believers of a joyful motivator that is needed for long term endurance.
You can't earn Heaven but the believer can please God. Hebrews 13:16
16 And do not neglect doing good and sharing, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.
This verse clearly states that we can please our Heavenly Father by showing kindness to one a
The horror of Gek!It was a Wednesday night, and the clocks were striking 6:31!
Well...There was actually only one clock, and it wasn't really 'Striking', rather just 'Being'. Red, neon digits shining out from the face of a small, black radio alarm clock. The kind that would most probably emit a brain piercing beep rather than anything that could be described as a strike.
Henry slowly stalked around his darkened bedroom (He'd drawn the curtains as tight as they would go) as he lit the small candles which were positioned at each point of the obtuse heptagram which he had meticulously scrawled onto the underside of a few big sheet of left over wrapping paper taped together. This had been a great ordeal all of its own, as the Key Stage 3 maths syllabus tends to be more concerned with fractions and silly stuff like that rather than the finer points of occult geometry.
The ceremony called for the candles to be black. But these proved hard to obtain, so Henry had simply selected the white, tea-light ones and t
Angie's ThemeI am scared and I am frustrated.
I have no right to be.
Life is so unfair, but I still keep on walking.
Walking into my oblivion.
Can you hear me?
Can you feel me?
Am I really here?
Can't you tell what's real?
Can't you tell what's fake?
Am I really here?
I don't want fade into oblivion.
Life goes on, so I much tread on unto the oblivion.
Am I really real?
Can you hear me?
Can you feel me?
Am I really real?
Please, why are you fading away?!
Don't go away!
I need somebody to listen to me.
Am I really real?
Am I really here?
Light and darkness tread on my hopes.
I am gone within a flash of light.
Things aren't fair, but please tread carefully unto oblivion.
Am I really here and real?
Please, don't go away!
I am crying out my heart to the oblivion.
I need somebody to listen, because all alone.
I can't feel a thing.
This pain sears across my face and am I really really real?
Depression - Bible answersHolding on to anger can lead to depression.
5 but for Cain and for his offering He had no regard So Cain became very angry and his countenance fell.
One source, but not the only source, of depression is an anger that is of the flesh and not of God. Notice the relationship between Cain being very angry and sadness / depression. Cain became very angry and his countenance fell.
Are you holding on to the wrong kind of anger today? It can be a difficult thing to lay aside. Go to God in weakness and ask for His help. Then after prayer be dilligent to put the anger to death. One example may be a person that you need to forgive. The bitterness you store towards them sours you and can depress you. Forgive them. Do it both to please the Lord and also for your own mental health.
Nothing said in any of these articles is suggested as a substitute for professional help and/or doctor prescribed medicines.
Scripture quotations taken from the "NASB" (
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scheinbar is a much-loved and well-known deviant. Just one look at her gallery, filled with enchanting photography, will have you mesmerized. A deviant for over 7 years, Christiane can always be found posting inspirational features as well as regularly commenting on other deviations and encouraging and empowering her fellow deviants. We are inspired and insist that you too stop by and congratulate ... Read More